I laughed my ass off reading this email i got. i know some of the professors that are listed here. We're nuts! wahahaha!
(Reposted from an email)
UP Professors' Quotable Quotes
=====
1. "The aim of policy making is to invoke action! Because action speaks louder than words! You do not just say I love
you. You say: If you love me, enter me! " -Dr. Alfonso Pacquing
2. "Class, next week na lang ung result sa exam nyo. I am having a hard time checking it. I will seek first the
divine guidance on what to do about it. Class dont worry about your grade. Let me worry about it." Sir de jesus,envi sci 1 3. (valentines day)
"Ano ba yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores niyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong
valentines kaya ganito kayo. Losers!!! When i was your age i had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP FAIR
euphoria ng grades niyo? Parang di kayo masaya...." (sabay matching tapon ng quizzes sa sahig)
"I won't record this. Go find a date." (sabay walk out.) -Sir Doliente,BA.
4. Ma'am: Many people believe that we, psychology graduates can read minds... (silence) Actually, we can.
Class: Weh.. Sample..
Ma'am: Right now, you think that I'm
bluffin -Ma'am Chei Billedo, Psych
5. "I don't give surprise long exams. all exams are announced. Halimbawa, Class, mageexam tayo, NGAYON NA!" -Ma'am Chei
6. "The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!!! -Dr. Recio 7. "Oo, nagpapaulan ako ng uno... baket? aanhin ko ba nun? di naman ako yayaman dun." -Sir Atoy Navarro, histo I
8. (commenting on a thesis of a senior student)
'Yang thesis mo? .. Mamamatay ka!!
Mamamatay ka!!' - Dr. llanes, UPM.
9. "Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto niyong magka-anak ng asawa niyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa." -Ma'am Meggie, Zoo 10 10. "Last sem was the first time that I gave a grade of 5, and it felt good!!!" Prof Goldie, Comm II, circa 1998, first day of class nung freshie ako:
atheist ako, pero pag nasa bahay, nagro rosary kami ng Nanay ko, eh kung magalit sa kin yun.
--Socio 11 Prof
"you do not fall in love; you rise in love. That's how you love rationally." --Dr. FG david
"Try to die! Try to die!" - sir billones, on a student who is palpitating while taking the exam. He claims that after incident refreshed na lagi yung estudyante. If I know, pag naaalala ng estudyanteng yun yung moment na yun, kaya siya laging refreshed, kasi natatawa siya pag naaalala niya iyon. "Anong molars? You don't say molars because it is an adjective! Do you say beautifuls?" - ma'am ilao, to a student who said "n molars" "Kahit magpakamatay ka pa di mo masasagot yang problem set na yan dahil pang-157 (phy chem II) yan!" - ibid
"Do not memorize! Analyze!" - doc nic, advising us, her students never to memorize reaction mechanisms
"Kaya nga ideal eh, hindi siya nangyayari sa totoong buhay. Pero an approximation is good enough" - sir engle, on ideal and real systems "Don't take the BAR and yourselves too seriously. baka mabalitaan nalang namin na nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves, relax, and read at least 15 hours a day. Nakakabobo ang sobrang tulog. MAg relax ka habang nagbabasa. Magrelax habang nagmi-memorize. " "Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin di ka papasa."
"Oh the BAR isn't scary. It's terrifying. It might even kill you."
and the unforgettable: "Wow. Rape-able." and "Stand up Miss ___ so that I might see the contours of your body."
alternately encouraging and disheartening ang drama nitong prof na'to.
Ito naman from our Prof. Ancient:
"Mga engineers? Nako. Bihira pumapasa sa BAR."
"UP ka nag-undergrad? Bright ka ba?"
"Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib eh. Pagpasok nila sa lawschool, hindi sila disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits na meron yang mga batang yan. Some of them look like they eat kamote thrice a day, pero ang utak, di ututin!" (ewan ko kung matutuwa ako dito o hindi) sabi ng aming dean who is 80 yrs old,
"class your laughing now, but i will predecease you all"
prof: O, meron na bang nakapunta sa inyong XXX
class: (tahimik)
prof: (medyo nadisappoint) Ano?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral na lang kayo ng aral, ha? Wala na kayong napupuntahan kakaaral niyo! same prof: Nakita niyo na ba ang Hoover dam?
class: (tahimik uli)
prof: Hehehehe, ang yabang ko talaga!
Second day of classes
Same Prof: (kinuha ang box ng colored chalks) Ano ba naman ito... (tapos iniitsa sa lamesa yung mga dark colored chalks)
class: (tahimik na nagmamasid)
Prof: Class, sulatan niyo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito, at sabihing tanggalin na ang mga walang kwentang kulay na ito... brown, green, violet. hindi makikita ito sa board. Convince them
class: (tahimik at gulat)
Prof: and .25 incentive sa final grade niyo!
terror prof after an exam (last day na din ng class..): ok class.. see you next sem!
"Ateneo is not a university, it's a diploma mill. Bakit ba nakangiti pa mga estudyante dyan kapag lalabas sila ng gate nila, hindi ba nila nalalaman ang nami-miss nila sa edukasyon?" "The more wisdom you obtain, the more you shut your mouth. This is because the more that you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth, the true mark of a wise man is humility"
--Paraphrased galing kay PI100. Puta best prof sa CAL.
"IE? Di naman engineering yun e"
-Thesis adviser
Classmate: Ma'am, pwede po bang next week na kami mag report?
Ma'am: Alam mo, God is good. And I am God. So yes, pwede next week.
galing kay sir U eliserio during creative writing class...
"try everything once except incest"
and one day pumasok ng room, galit na galit. hinagis ang bag sa table, nagwawala sa harap ng room dahil hindi daw nasagot ng previous class niya ang question niya. kaya dapat daw masagot namin, ang makasagot may plus points. kapag walang makasagot, lagot kami.
ang tanong.... "class, sinong lalaking artista dun sa TV show na wonder years"?
"Mamatay na mangopya..."
saka
"Ang hindi maka-100, bobo!".
"im gay. so gay i could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body"
-jean navera, spcm1
FIRST DAY OF CLASSES: "Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan niyo na agad. Walang pupuntahan yan. Hindi kayo magkaka-intindihan. Tapos yung mga anak niyo, magiging bobo. Gusto niyo ba yun?" ANOTHER PROF: "Hoy girls, wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend dito sa UP. Pare-parehas tayong mahirap dito. Kumuha kayo ng mayaman. 80% of the child's intelligence comes from the Mother naman eh. Kayo guys, wag kayo kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo anak niyo." "Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo de Manila University is not... a university."
STUDENT: Sir, pwede po magpa-sit in yung friends ko?
PROF: From what school are they?
STUDENT: St. Scho po.
PROF: "Go ahead. So they'll realize what they're missing. St. Scho, St. Scho... eskwelahan na ba yun sa inyo?!"
sa PHILO:
"I THINK THEREFORE I AM FROM UP!"
"Class, kaya mahal ang bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante dun. Dyuskoh, I used to teach there... at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students yung sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga kakaulit ng lessons! Wag na lang! Dito na ko sa UP, at least nagkakaintindihan tayo. Diba?" Dahil kami ang mga huling estudyante ni Dr. David at mahal na mahal namin siya, nag-compile kami dati ng mga quotable quotes mula sa kanya. Ito ang ilan:
"Meanings we find are the meanings we make."
"WHAT YOU LEARN IN UP IS TO GO ON AND NEVER GIVE UP. THAT IF THERE BE ONE PERSON LEFT STANDING, LET IT BE ME. LET ATENEO FALL FIRST BEFORE UP..."
"The measure of a man is how many doors he has opened to other people, especially to those he doesn't know."
"To be born is to die. In between they grow and multiply like flies. 6.2 billion people in the world. Kadiri, ano?"
"Why not life? Why call it soul? Call a spade a spade."
"Earth is the only heaven we can know."
"religion is a successful economic institution"
"Do not live long enough to be worthless."
"Domestication of the human male is one of the greatest achievement of the human race."
"I do not know many. I only know enough to teach my classes."
"We do not accept anyone here in class except for those who are members of a certain minority group. For example, gays are part of a minority group, bakla ka ba? If you admit to this class that you are gay, then I'll admit you"
-Prof "hail to the chair", to a guy student na nagpre-prerog
"kapatid ng sinungaling ang magnanakaw.
"ergo, gma's marriage to mike arroyo is null and void ab initio."
consti law class, 1st sem, AY 2005-06
"running for summa ka? mapapagod ka lang."
"Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? E ambaba ng grades n'un e!"
"Si Miriam, crush ko 'yun dati. Muntikan na maging kami, kaso nasiraan ng ulo, kaya 'yun, iba ang asawa ko."
"Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English, so when you're here in class, magsalita kayo ng English! Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako at ako ang teacher!" Ma'am Vitriolo (2nd to the last meeting)
Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper..
more of Ma'am Ilao
"Hindi mahirap makakuha ng UNO sa class ko. yung gumradweeeyt last year na Magna Cum Laude ng Biochem, uno siya sakin sa Chem 18" Sabi ng Prof ko dahil may kaklase akong recite ng recite w/o raising her hand
"I think this is the first time i have a student w/ tourette in my class..."
Recite parin ng recite yung student
"Wow the ejaculatory comments just don't stop!"
from my socsci1 prof last sem: "Birds of the same feather FLOCK together...don' t forget the L".
"I'll strangle you, strangle you really hard, smack right in your jugular (pause ng mga 5 seconds), you do know where your jugular is?" "Be ready with your speech because I am going to lambaste you!"
-namutla nalang yung classmate kong freshie after hearing sir navera sa spcm 1 namin
'bakit parang napakaligaya ng klase niyo? maging sad naman kayo, 5 mins.' - prof ko sa math 100.
"well of course when you sell your soul you have to make an elaborate justification to make yourself feel good."
-Sir Walden Bello, Socio 127, this sem
^grabe ang galing ni sir bello. nakakaamaze.
"ano bang natapos mo? italian 8?"
"punyetissima! " (sosyal pati mura italian!)
"look at me i'm 433 years old pero ang lakas lakas ko pa. eh kung walang gulay eh di kakain na lang ako ng damo. kung wala eh di tubig, kung wala mag-ipon na lang ako ng laway."
-Sir Tiamson, Italian 11, this sem
When you graduate, then you begin to live.
-Dr. Carmen Jimenez, Psych 118
from Prof Soresca in my spanish 1 class
Prof:"Mr. Gatbunton, why are you late?!"
Student:"Sorry Mam, galing pa ako Las Pinas."
Prof: "Ladies, don't marry somebody from Las Pinas because they have bamboo organs!!"
"there are only two countries who still use Fahrenheit.. the United States of America andLiberia... a pathetic country in africa"
--Sir Argete
Marx is more Christian than Christ and Christ is more Marxist than Marx. - Sir Lanuza.
May kaklase ako, may jowang taga Ateneo
"Ateneo? How could you love someone from the Ateneo? "
sa geol11, ayaw mag-recite ng mga classmates ko..
sabi ni ma'am cathy
"wag na mahiya, you have nothing to lose but your face.."
si sir agapito..habang 2nd exam at malakas ang ulan..
"ang lakas ng ulan, ayos yan at least hindi halata pag umiiyak.."
Class: Sir, sa exams po ba nagbibigay kayo ng partial points?
Prof: Hmm, if I see partial wisdom.
"It's okay to smoke inside my class. As long as you don't breathe it out." -Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity
"Oh, this is good. It's poetic because it's perfectly stupid." - Ricardo de Ungria last week on my classmate's work.
Prof: Did I remind the class last meeting that we're going to have an exam today?
Class: (dead air)
Prof: Ok, it seems I forgot to remind the class that we're going to have an exam today. I'm giving you five minutes then to buy a bluebook. We're going to have an exam today. sir tiamson (span 11)
"ayan, di ka makasagot. yung bakal sa ngipin mo naapektuhan na yung pagsasalita mo"
Dr. Gapud during a 3 hour lecture insect taxonomy class... after the 1st hour:
"class, gising pa kayo? mukhang inaa antok na kayo a. i understand, nakakaantuk talaga ako maglecture.. . pati nga ako inaantuk na e". in a lecture class discussing evolution, after nag excuse na lumabas ang isang lalaking estudyante for the 2nd time:
UP prof: o... there goes the Home erectusagain...
Dr. Reyes during an insect systematics class:
if i am to divide the class Insecta into families, 2 lang yan. i'll call those with hymen, Family Hymenoptera. and yun wala, Family Ahymenoptera. In a lecture class, after giving a joke related to his current lecture topic,
UP prof: sa mga hinde natawa, repeaters kasi kayo at narinig nyo na yan joke na yan sems ago... sorry, yan lang kasi ang joke ko e. during a MSc compre, isa sa mga advisers asked this:
UP prof: are you familiar with the Insect Ecology Book by (the name of the author)?
Grad student: yes sir.
UP prof: that's great... so, anu kulay nan cover nun book na yun?
September 02, 2008 By: zenboy 
Much confusion was generated on the internet this weekend when Google searches for “Governor Palin” resulted in websites related to former Monty Python regular performer Michael Palin. One reporter under that false impression interviewed Michael Palin, as excerpted below: Reporter: How does it feel to be chosen as the running mate for the Republican ticket for the presidency? Michael Palin: I think you must be confusing me with a different ‘Palin’ Reporter: Your name is ‘Palin” correct? Michael Palin: Why yes, but - Reporter: And you have been selected as the Vice Presidential running mate for Senator McCain? Michael Palin: I’m sorry, but that is not the case Reporter: Well, that’s just a technicality, isn’t it? I mean if Google thinks you have been selected as the Republican Vice Presidential runningmate, then it must be true, right? Michael Palin: No, it is not, it is absolutely false! Reporter: Look, you’re a ‘Palin’ and Senator McCain selected a ‘Palin’ as a runningmate, right? Michael Palin: Right, but - Reporter: Well then, that’s established. So, how does it feel to be selected as the Vice Presidential candidate of a man one heartstroke away from leaving you with the presidency? Michael Palin: I was NOT selected as a US Vice Presidential candidate! In fact, I’m British, I mean, can’t you tell by my accent! I can’t even be selected as a running mate! And just because it comes up in Google, doesn’t mean it’s automatically true!
(Monty Python's the Dead Parrot Sketch)The Dead Presidential Candidate Sketch (from yooryoo.com)
A Republican voter enters the Republican National Convention.
Republican voter: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint. (The RNC Chairman does not respond.) Republican voter: ‘Ello, Miss? RNC Chairman: What do you mean “miss”? Republican voter: I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint! RNC Chairman: We’re closin’ for Gustav. Republican voter: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this presidential candidate what I voted not a year ago from this very state. RNC Chairman: Oh yes, the, uh, the McCain Watwaseetinkin…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with him? Republican voter: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with him, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with him! RNC Chairman: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting. Republican voter: Look, matey, I know a dead presidential candidate when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now. RNC Chairman: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable candidate, the McCain Watwaseetinkin, idn’it, ay? Beautiful history! Republican voter: His history don’t enter into it. He’s stone dead. RNC Chairman: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting! Republican voter: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up! (shouting at the television) ‘Ello, Mister Polly Presidential candidate! I’ve got a lovely fresh new wife for you if you show… (RNC Chairman hits the television) RNC Chairman: There, he moved! Republican voter: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the television! RNC Chairman: I never!! Republican voter: Yes, you did! RNC Chairman: I never, never did anything… Republican voter: (yelling and hitting the television repeatedly) ‘ELLO MCCAIN!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call! (Takes presidential candidate out of the television and thumps its head on the counter. Throws him up in the air and watches him plummet to the floor.) Republican voter: Now that’s what I call a dead presidential candidate. RNC Chairman: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned! Republican voter: STUNNED?!? RNC Chairman: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! McCain Watwaseetinkin stun easily, major. Republican voter: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That presidential candidate is definitely deceased, and when I voted for him in the primaries not a year ago, you assured me that his total lack of movement was due to him bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged campaign. RNC Chairman: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the rice paddies. Republican voter: PININ’ for the RICE PADDIES?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got home? RNC Chairman: The McCain Watwaseetinkin prefers keepin’ on his back! Remarkable conservative, id’nit, squire? Lovely history! Republican voter: Look, I took the liberty of examining that presidential candidate when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that he had been sitting on his stool in the
first place was that he had been NAILED there. (pause) RNC Chairman: Well, o’course he was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that conservative down, he would have nuzzled up to those voters, bent ‘em apart with his promises, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee! Republican voter: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this conservative wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised! RNC Chairman: No no! ‘E’s pining! Republican voter: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This presidential candidate is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the stool ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE!! (pause) RNC Chairman: Well, I’d better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of presidential candidates. Republican voter: I see. I see, I get the picture. RNC Chairman: I got an Alaskan guv’nor. (pause) Republican voter: Pray, does she know any foreign policy? RNC Chairman: Nnnnot really. Republican voter: WELL SHE’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS SHE?!!???!!? RNC Chairman: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet) Republican voter: Well. (pause) RNC Chairman: (quietly) D’you…. d’you want to come back to my place? Republican voter: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
 I was having a hard time finding a DVD of Monty Python and the Holy Grail here and i was searching everywhere including local pirate stalls but it still eluded me. Luckily, Joel (a US-based friend) gave me a copy earlier this year (thanks bro!). But it seems that owning one copy wasn't enough. So when i chanced upon a UMD (Universal Media Disc) movie for PSP of the Monty Python movie, naturally, i couldn't resist... it's a steal for just Php100. Holy Grail indeed.
 Murakami fans rejoice! ive taken this article from japantoday.com:
Haruki Murakami's 'Norwegian Wood' coming to big screen
TOKYO — The worldwide best-selling novel “Norwegian Wood,” written by Haruki Murakami, 59, will become a film, Fuji TV and Asmik Ace Entertainment said Thursday. Written in 1987, “Norwegian Wood” deals with the narrator’s memories of his student days in the 1960s and his relationships with two very different women. According to the producers, the film will be directed by French-Vietnamese Tran Anh Hung, 46, and feature Japanese actors. Production is scheduled to start in February 2009, and the film will be released in 2010. Murakami has long declined offers to make the story into a film. In an official comment, Hung said, “The original story is very dynamic but sensitive and has tenderness and grace. It will be a challenge for me to capture so many elements.”
My gf sent me this e-mail.... -----------------------------------------------------
This is a story of one poor Singaporean Customer Service Officer who received calls on a daily basis and one day he has to endure the conversation as follows:
Customer: 'May I know your name?..'
CSO: 'Batman...'
Customer: 'May I know your name?'
CSO: 'My name is Bat-man...'
Customer: 'Trying to be funny?!.What is your surname?..'
CSO: 'Supar-man...'
Customer: (shouting) 'I want to speak with your manager...' ------------------------ ---
 Last chance to watch Ave Q.!
Avenue Q Spread the Fuzz Show Dates 14 June 2008 2pm (Sat)
21 June 2008 8pm (Sat) Avenue Q The Farewell Run Venue
Carlos P. Romulo Auditorium at the RCBC Plaza, Sen Gil Puyat cor Ayala Sts., Makati City). Avenue Q Manila Ticket Prices (Ticketworld - 8919999)
Balcony Php 515
Loge Php 1,030
Orchestra Side Php 1,133
Orchestra Center Php 1,339
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Now see this...
